HFH: Existential-ish

Emma greeted me with a sad and puzzled expression.


“The GNC’s time is nearly up! And that’s not even all of it!”

“I just read that the GNC’s time is just about up,” she said.

“What do you mean? We just saw him! He’s young and so strong!”

Cathy Tea

“What do you mean?”

Emma shook her head. “I found this blog about him. He’s old. He’s married, just like he told Trin. But what’s really strange is that he told his wife that the whole thing with us–the whole festival and us and Trin and the Robinsons–everything, was just a dream.

“A dream!”

Cathy Tea

“You mean we’re just characters in someone else’s dream?”

We both just looked at each other.

“You mean… could we be… but we exist, right?”

Emma shrugged. “We exist-ish.”


“We exist-ish.”

We decided we needed to consult our resident geek. “Gray!”


“It’s elementary.”

Gray nodded. “It’s actually quite simple,” he said. “You know quantum physics, right? Time-space continuum, worm holes, string theory, uncertainty principle…”


“In 26 spacetime dimensions, these extra unphysical states wind up disappearing from the spectrum.”

Then he went on and said all sorts of stuff that left me puzzled, though Emma kept right up with him, nodding her head and smiling, like she does when her mind is tickled.


“One of the particle states of a closed string has zero mass and two units of spin, the same mass and spin as a graviton, the particle that is supposed to be the carrier of the gravitational force!”

I remembered a blog I was currently reading about these connected, yet not connected, Sims called “The Uncertainty Principle.”


“Got it?”

Next thing I heard Gray say was “so basically, yes. We exist in this world. And there are simultaneous worlds where we just may be figments of someone’s dream, and other worlds where we don’t exist at all, or at least not yet, but copies of us may be downloaded at some point in the future.”

It was too much for me. “So what do we do?”

“We do what Sims do all over!” Gray answered. “We boogie!” And with that, he and Emma started dancing.


Dancing in the face of nothingness

I needed a little time alone to process everything, and to reflect on the upcoming passing of Giancarlo Sheridan. I didn’t know if he was making the most of these final days, if he’d already been advised to get his affairs in order, or if he was finally sipping the bubbles of his life bar–I just knew that soon, Sims would be able to see through him. Just like that.

When I need to think, I often find it helps to spend time with the computer, browsing the web or checking my email.

I found a message waiting for me from my new penpal, Peyton Skinner!

Oh, plum. Her father just died. But good news, she just had twins–and she just got married!

Cathy Tea

My heart feels for Peyton and her family.

I wrote back right away:

Hi, Peyton. It was so great to find an email from you! I’m really excited that we can correspond. First, I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. I’ve never lost anyone yet, though someone I may know (or maybe I don’t–it’s complicated), is facing his own mortality. Most of my roomies and I are either straight out of CAS, so we don’t have parents, or we’ve always lived long life-span, so we haven’t had to face death yet.

But Emma, she’s my super good friend, she grew up in normal life-span, and both of her parents were taken by Grim about the time that she became a young adult. She says that it’s tough, and it’s something that almost every Sim goes through. It was, she said, meeting new friends that helped her get through those first sad days. 

I hope that you and your family will find solace in a way that suits each of you. Emma says the experience of grief is different for each Sim. I know that while you’ve all lost something irreplaceable, you’ve also gained in irreplaceable ways.

Congratulations on your babies! It must be amazing to hold them and to be able to see aspects of your father still living in them.

And congratulations on your wedding! Beginnings, it seems to me, can feel especially rewarding as we are faced with endings.

You’ve really experienced so many life changes almost simultaneously! 

I’ve been thinking about life a lot this afternoon. Usually, I just live and I reflect on my feelings and the way I see the world around me, but this afternoon, I’ve been reflecting on the nature of existence. Like do we exist? Do I have an existence that is separate from all there is? Well, no. I am part of all that is. Can I also, simultaneously, exist in other worlds or other dimensions of the universe? For example, could I be a part of someone’s dream? Could part of my life, a part that is absolutely real to me, be experienced by another who also participated in that part, as a dream? And what if a copy of myself existed in another world? And where did I come from, anyway? How was I created, and how much of my creator is reflected in me?

Do you ever wonder about things like that?

Well, the garden needs tending and the shower needs fixing and my roomies will be getting hungry soon, so I guess I’ll send off this message and attend to the mundane matters at hand and let my thoughts settle into the present moment.

I’m so glad that we’re penpals! 

–Cathy Tea

I felt so much better after sending off that message, then gardening and making supper. Something about my feet on the digital ground and my hands in the digital earth makes me feel whole and complete. Plus, there’s the sound of water.

Cathy Tea

A little time in the garden, and I start to feel like me again.

And I felt a little happy buzz knowing that I’ve connected with Peyton Skinner. What a true joy to have found a kindred spirit!

And I’ve found an insight into what it is, for me, to be. When the I Am that animates me resonates through imagination with the electrical impulses that give me existence, then all that matters is that I am: here, present, experiencing this one particular realm and this one particular moment and passing on that experience through my existence to all-that-is.

Other worlds drop away, or exist simultaneously. Dreams happen or fade. And I am here to give expression to this one particular experience of here and now.

Cathy Tea

Right now, I’m here reading with my BFF at our kitchen table, and that’s all that matters.

*Gray’s quotations courtesy of “What’s String Theory?”

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