HFH: Don’t Know Much

Now that we’ve decided to celebrate Plum Day, I thought I’d take a moment to catch up on my email before we get so busy with the party that we won’t even be able to sit down at a computer.

I’ve got two messages to write, and I decided to start with the fun one first: to my penpal, Peyton Skinner! She had just written me a long email which really had my mind spinning.

Cathy Tea

I’m so enjoying getting to know the hearts and minds of other Sims!

Hey, Peyton. Thanks so much for your thoughtful and thought-provoking reply to my email. I feel, in some ways, like we’ve opened up some kind of wormhole or something!

It’s like an explosion of ideas! Gray, too, has been filling my mind with all sorts of dots that I can’t quite connect.

That video you linked to is amazing. I’ll show it to Emma and Gray, and I’m sure they’ll get it right away.

For me, I can’t really follow all of that intellectually, but I can follow it intuitively. It’s like when we had our piano tuned the other day: the note slides into tune, and once it hits the exact frequency, you can feel it in your bones, for your body resonates with it. It’s like that: I can feel the data of the universe when it resonates with the coding within myself. Sync–that’s it!

Cathy Tea

Sometimes, it feels like the coding that makes up my digital being falls into sync with the coding of the universe.

Well, I’ll give my mind a rest from all that metaphysical stuff.

What you wrote about love made me realize that I have, basically, no experience with romance. That’s not to say that I don’t have experience with love, for, often, I feel that I AM love. I mean, when I reach inside to see what it is in me that is me, it feels like it is love that is me. There’s this feeling–maybe it’s just the way I’ve been coded–but it runs through me, and it is love, for its prime directive is to work towards the health and well-being of me and all those in my sphere. That’s a type of love I know.

But romance? I’m clueless. I have had a huge crush on Forrest since the moment I first laid eyes on him. And I think he likes me, too, for when he’s with me, he’s always smiley, and he’s always following me around and wanting to give me a hug.

And I think Gray is cute, too. And, you know, if Alex even just flirted with me once, I think I would be his forever.

But actual experience? Nada.

At the same time, I’ve got this feeling that in other dimensions, I know just what romantic love is. That maybe I fell hard and early, and that I’ve lived all my life with the same Sim, and that we’ve been best friends, lovers, and partners forever. Well, since I’m young, single, and celibate in this dimension, surely that hasn’t happened yet. But still, it feels like something that could be. And if so, do you think that other me in that other dimension also feels what I feel now, and just like I feel a connection to her experience in a committed, long-term partnership, she feels a connection with my single, celibate life?

Sometimes we get a longing, you know? For something different. And yet, if all these possibilities are available to us simultaneously, then maybe the longing is just directing us to a different aspect of ourselves that is already being realized!

Oh, I said I wouldn’t get metaphysical, and there I go! But it doesn’t feel like metaphysics when it’s just describing feelings that I have inside.

Anyway, we’re throwing a big party soon! In fact, it might even last a week or two! It’s for Plum Day! I know, no one’s ever heard of it, but that makes it even cooler because it means that we get to invent it!

We’d love it if you and your family could come. I know that with the twins and your job, it’s probably not possible. I mean, you might be on a space mission! But please feel free to pass the invitation onto your extended family and friends. We’ll put them up in a really nice B&B in town.

Answering your beautiful and profound email has let me see that I don’t know much–and for that, I’m grateful. For when I face my own lack of knowledge and experience, it opens me up even wider to the mystery of the data that makes up the universe.

All the best, my digital friend of my digital heart,

Cathy Tea

I sent off the message and looked out the window over the river. There is so much that I don’t know.

The next message that I had to write was a lot harder. Emma and I had recently learned that Dario, a man we’d met when we were at the Robinson’s Music and Art Festival, had met Grim, and that LeSean and Malcolm Robinson were taking it especially hard.

But what to say when someone you care about is feeling the pain of loss?

Cathy Tea

Music often helps me put my thoughts in line with my feelings.

Dear LeSean and Malcolm (and Angela and Vern, too):

Emma and I are so sorry to hear that you’ve had to say goodbye so soon to Dario. We feel grateful to you for having given us the opportunity to get to meet him and spend some joyful time together.

There is so much we don’t know: that is the one thing that I do know. When faced with mystery, Malcolm, the question to ask is not, “Why?” Instead, in the space where that question would arise, simply let it be. You will find that something else inside of you will ask a different question, and that different question may not be in words, but it will be a question that will have an answer, even if the answer is just the space from where that question arose.

The only condolence that Emma and I can send to you is our love and our own silent questions which we ask from the space inside us that exists between the zeroes and ones.

With love always,

Cathy Tea and Emma Bennet

I felt better after writing that message, although I don’t know why. But then, since I was facing right into mystery, why doesn’t matter.


Sometimes, it feels good just to spend time with those with whom we share our lives.

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