My presentation at S-GAS is over, and I feel happy and relieved.
I was so nervous about this. In the days leading up to the presentation, I kept painting this same painting over and over. It symbolized how I felt.
So often, I feel that I just look through the world with one eye of love, and then I blab about what I see.
After the presentation, though, I realized that looking through an eye of love isn’t a bad thing–it’s actually a strength and a gift. It becomes a hindrance when I wear a blindfold over the other eye and only see through love, ignoring all else. But when I can take off the blindfold, look as truthfully as I can at all there is, then the love I see everywhere informs the logic, and the logic balances the love.
Love is a type of truth–perhaps even at the root of truth–and logic without love is just as blind as love without logic.
It’s been great for our family to have a chance to be here at S-GAS Transform. Even though we’re still always around a lot of Sims (that seems to be the context for our family–always part of a movable tribe), we’re still enjoying a lot of family time.
It’s been great for Free-Jon to get to meet so many different Sims with so many different perspectives and personalities. He’s getting to be very confident when it comes to interacting with others. I’m not sure he always takes into consideration the feelings of others–he sort of bursts in riding the waves of his enthusiasm. When he’s ripe for it, I’m sure game will introduce opportunities and challenges to allow him to develop compassion and empathy.
Elder and I are both enjoying letting Free-Jon simply be a kid. There’s plenty of time later for skilling. Now, he’s just growing every day by exploring, playing, and engaging with game, his imagination, and the Sims around him.
He came up to me this morning and said, “Everybody’s wandering around talking about what we’re made of, Mom. What am I made of?”
“Oh, that’s an easy question, Free,” I answered. “You’re made of love.”
“You’re made of silly,” he replied.
“That’s true,” I said. “But I’m not joking now. Before you were born, your dad and I were overflowing with love–more than we could contain in our little digital bodies! So we said, hey, let’s make a nooboo so we can stick some of this extra love in it! And that’s how you came to be, Mr. Spectacular.”
“Is everybody made of love?” he asked.
“Everybody born in-game is made of love because there has to be love between two Sims to be able to ‘Try for baby.’ Unfortunately, not all CAS Sims are made of love. And I don’t know about pre-mades or Townies or NPCs. I think it depends maybe on the player or other external factors, like what’s happening astrologically with the player and with the configurations of the planets in the way-out-there galaxy. On the other side of the screen, unfortunately, not all are created from love.”
Free-Jon looked thoughtful. He’d met so many Sims over the past few days, and it looked like he was sorting the pieces.
“But you, Jon-Jon,” I continued when it looked like he was ready to hear more, “you come from a very, very, very long line of love. The story of your dad’s family is the story of love between moms and dads.”
“For real?” he asked.
We’re getting ready to take a few days away from S-GAS to visit Elder and his family. Grim came for Cooper a few days ago. And Elder received a call from our brother-in-law Malcolm asking if we wanted to come for the Celebrate Coop Ceremony. Of course we do.
We’re looking forward to having Free-Jon meet his cousins and aunts and uncles. I would have loved for him to have had the chance to meet Cooper, and I wish that I could have spent more time knowing her, too. We had a very brief, very intense, very close friendship. I’ve got the feeling that everything with Cooper was “very.”
I’ve started telling Free the story of his dad’s side of the family. With each tale, I feel such a deep well of honor, joy, and honest humility–the kind that lends a flavor of “true” to life–to be connected with this family and the strong, authentic ways that they express what it is to be Sim.
Free-Jon is thrilled to hear that his lineage can be traced to a mailman and a CAS Sim and that his uncle Malcolm was a mailman, too. He was almost beside himself when he learned that his great-grandparents were an astronaut and an NPC gardener. He’s got this idea that he wants to be an NPC. Elder and I have tried to explain that NPCs are game-generated, but Free-Jon says he’s going to learn programming and create a mod.
More power to the baby!
Elder doesn’t talk a lot about being a legacy kid, but I’ve noticed from him, Aya, Aspen, Rose Fletcher, and other legacy kids I’ve met that they experience stresses and challenges that non-legacy Sims don’t. At the same time, through the generations, from this blend of CAS and game-generated Sims gaining skills, artificial intelligence, and wealth without cheats, but through experience and game-play instead, something amazing happens. Call it evolution, personal growth, Sim-development–the results are Sims who use autonomy with grace and wisdom, who move through game with intelligent awareness.
I didn’t think about this when I fell for Elder–I just fell for him. And now, when I reflect on it, I feel such a well of gratitude to realize our Free-Jon continues this line. I hope that through meeting his family he begins to understand this legacy that he holds within himself, even if he isn’t a strict legacy kid, but the son of a SimSelf and a spare.