Open House with the Mansion Baron

This is Sugar Maple Bough, your guest host for this week’s episode of Open House with the Mansion Baron. This evening, we’ll be showing you around Cradle Rock, which is where I live with my family. I’m the new Mansion Baron.

We start here at the trash can at the corner of our lot.

Why?

Because even if you’re rich and famous, you’ve still got to take the trash out!

Nobody’s above trash.

Now let’s head over here, and I’ll show you the playground.

This is where we spent some of our happiest moments as kids. See this little barrel? We keep it out here so we’ll feel goofy and playful while we’re hanging out on the monkey bars. It just has that effect!

Now let me show you something that’s been in our family for generations!

This is our famous llamacorn ice sculpture. It’s not real ice, of course, or it would have melted ages ago. But it’s cool, nonetheless.

Let me take you through the casitas next.

Me and my sister were both conceived in this bed. Oh–TMI, right? Oh, well. It’s part of the history of the house. I guess this bed probably helped bring a lot of us here, all down through the family. Anyway, it’s a nice room. My dad keeps his funky word processor back there on the desk. He’s written about seven kids books and a few volumes of poetry there. He’s still only at about level five with his writing skill, though! Doesn’t matter. He’s an awesome writer because he has fun with every book he writes, and that’s what matters.

Ok. Moving right along.

Out the side door, cross the breezeway, and into the next casita.

Kids’ room!

Now this way…

Grown-ups’ room!

Out the door and into the courtyard again…

This is one of my favorite spots, right here near the outside kitchen that’s between the main house and the music casita.

Tommy: So, Sugar Maple. Tell the viewers why this is one of your favorite spots.

Duh! Look at the view!

Ok, walk this way, and we’ll check out the music casita. I feel inspired just stepping in here!

Ok! One more building to go, and that’s the main house!

We do most our living here. Kitchen. Dining room. TV nook. Homework central. Dance floor.

That’s my gorgeous sister, looking gorgeous. Say, “Hi,” Sal.

Salix: Hi, Sal!

Through this door and into my soon-to-be favorite spot in the entire world…

Ahhh! The work-out room! Yes! Juice it!

Ok, up the stairs… totally boring here on the landing…

But here is everybody’s favorite place! The science rooftop patio!

Again. The view.

Ok, back downstairs and out the door…

The bar. The view.

The entertainment area. The wedding area. The view.

Now, we come to the weird part.

What the heck? It’s an army! Kind of inspiring!

Surrounded by columns! Get it? Columns? Army? Rank and file?

It’s nuts. Ok. It serves no purpose. Not even as a joke. Write to the producers. They’re the ones with the 20 column rule for getting on Open House with the Mansion Baron anyway. So here we are! We met the requirement! Now what?

We’ve also got these two rockets, though nobody ever uses them. I don’t know what they’re doing here or if they even work.

Sort of family relics, I guess. Anyway, that’s us. We don’t really throw away anything. Except trash. Like I showed at the beginning of the show.

Well, there you have it. Cradle Rock. Mansion. Not.

But it is home. And it’s been home to our family longer than anybody can remember.

I hope it goes on being home, too. Not that it goes on being a mansion, just home.

Are we done? Is it a wrap? ‘Cause if it is, I’m selling those columns and that crazy army of armor, and I’m choosing a new apsiration, one that fits me better. Body-builder. Bring your cameras back when you’re ready to do “The Bodilicious Body-builders of Oasis Springs.”