Honey W. | V.W. Estate
Week Six, Day Five – Junior Year
Editor’s Note: Honey’s journal entries are numbered according to week and day of the week. As she does not keep daily entries, gaps appear in the numbering. Please see the Table of Contents for the full listing of entries.
When I run, everything falls into place–I just feel the road under my feet, and it all becomes quiet, and I’m not worried about anything.
One thing I’m discovering about myself during my “discovery semester” is that without a specific goal, I feel lost.
So I’m focusing on fitness. At first, I just wanted to be strong and healthy to support my music, but now I’m starting to see fitness as a goal in itself.
My friend Kaylee has been an inspiring mentor. I love it when she yells at me to “Push the barrier!”
She’s such a sweet person that she hardly ever yells, but sometimes, when I’m in a really good workout rhythm, she’ll tell me, “Dig deeper. Keep pushing,” and her energy gives me that little edge I need to take my workout one step further.
She and I have decided to form a music group.
“I love music,” she said, “and I’ve been so focused on my work as an athletic trainer that I’ve never really taken the time to develop musical skills.”
“This will be perfect,” I said. “This way, I can mentor you in something I know!”
When she came over for our first club gathering, I worked with her on the violin for a bit, but then, next thing I knew, we were in the workout room and she was giving me pointers on my stride.
Later that week, my left shoulder started feeling really tight.
“Oh, geez!” she said. “I hope it’s not rotator cuff syndrome.”
We reviewed how I hold the violin, how I’ve been working out, and my stretching routine.
“Look,” she said. “I think we can handle this through a few minor adjustments to our work out. We can always try Feldenkrais, if we need to, but I think we can take care of this with just a few tweaks to technique.”
Don Lothario sauntered over to watch us. “I don’t see nothing that needs any tweaks.”
Was he flirting with me?
I just kept focused on maintaining core strength and posture while doing my reps.
Later when I stopped by the pub for a snack, the bartender shared gossip from the global village.
“And I’ve even heard that Don Lothario has children with two different women!”
Whoa! I wasn’t sure if that was TMI or Just Enough Information. I think I’ll continue to focus on form when he’s around, though.
When I started this project of discovering myself this semester, I really suspected that I’d be discovering myself in love. But that hasn’t happened.
I haven’t even seen my gardener friend all term.
And I find I’m just not all that interested in the guys my age. The guys I’m interested in are older. And some of them are even married.
So I’m just waiting on romance for now. No need to fill my life with extra complications before I graduate. Maybe later, once I’ve graduated and established my career, I can start exploring other ways of relating with people.
For right now, my friendship with Kaylee and taking care of the Villareal kids are satisfying my social needs.
I came home from a run the other evening to find Luna and Hugo hanging out in the front meadow, doing homework together.
“It’s nice out here,” Hugo said.
Luna and I sometimes watch movies together. She loves to watch romantic movies, and then she gets all forlorn feeling because she doesn’t have a romance in her life.
“Do you think I’ll ever find love?” she asked me the other evening.
“Of course!” I replied. “Look at you! You’re beautiful inside and out! You’ve got so much to offer.”
We talked about how love will come when the time is right. There aren’t a lot of teens to choose from in Windenburg–the other kids her age just seem a little immature or unfocused. I’ve got a feeling that once she becomes a young adult, she’ll be able to find someone who is just right for her.
Max is doing great, too. He’s keeping his grades up, and he spending more and more time just being a kid.
I love seeing how happy he gets with the simple things like watching cartoons and playing with toys.
The Villareal home, big as it is, keeps me busy, too–there’s always something to fix or clean.
It’s grounding and rewarding, though, to have these daily chores to attend to. Plus, I love having a project I can complete. After fifteen minutes of scrubbing, the shower is clean, and the job is done.
During my workout yesterday, I was thinking about the first time I used a weight machine. I was straining and twisting and pulling with everything I had, and the only thing keeping me going was thinking of my dad, the ex-Marine.
Now, I focus on form. I draw from my core and synchronize my breathing with the movements. Kaylee taught me that. Moving like this, with steady focus, incorporating strength, breath, technique, and the power of the mind, this feels like how I want to move through life.
It’s not so much a matter of resisting with brute force, it’s more like harnessing all the available energy, facing forward, setting intent, and moving in flow.