Honey Walker | Van Windenburg Estate
Week Seven, Day Four – Senior Year
Editor’s Note: Honey’s journal entries are numbered according to week and day of the week. As she does not keep daily entries, gaps appear in the numbering. Please see the Table of Contents for the full listing of entries.
I’ve started working! I thought that once my internship started, I’d be so busy that life would feel tough, like it did during freshman year, when I was always so stressed about everything.
But life now has a lightness to it, a breezy quality, just like the air here on the island.
Of course, there’s still things that need to get done: that crazy fridge still needs fixing often, and meals still need to be made, and dishes washed, and the kids need to be reminded to do homework and take showers. But even that feels easy.
I have so much free time that I’ve started reading for pleasure again.
I had almost forgotten the joys of losing myself in a book.
Of course, the more I lose myself in fiction, the more I find myself, for it feels like every story of a person is the story of me. Or maybe, it’s that when I read, I really do lose “myself,” and I find instead that part of me that I share with everyone–that universal that we always search for in music, art, and literature.
I guess that’s really what I wanted to find when I went to college: that universal shared experience that lies within all great art.
I got an email from my dad the other day that brought such a feeling of fulfillment.
You sound so happy in you’re messages. We–me and yer mom–we always new you’d get there. That’s what I was always tryin to tell u. Just keep following that pointer inside that shows you ur own tru north.
You did. Now u got yer guidence and its yours. Tru u!
I love you, Honey.
Your Dad–that’d be me.
I know it was my dad’s faith in me that helped me get to this point of happiness. His faith didn’t prepare for happiness actually being a thing: somehow, when I saw how hard my dad always worked, I thought that I would always be working hard. I never realized that finding my own true life would be accompanied by a feeling of ease.
I mean, it’s not like I’m lazy. I do a lot. It’s just that a feeling of “rightness” has entered into everything so that it makes it feel like there’s this ease–or maybe harmony–in everything.
It reminds me of music. When I get a challenging passage, I’ll practice it over and over until I can play it with ease. So maybe that’s what’s entered into life right now!
It seems like the kids have picked up that same feeling of rightness.
Max is happy and mostly staying out of trouble.
Hugo and Luna are among the top kids in school, and they’re starting to get offers from colleges for when they graduate.
Yesterday morning, I was cleaning house, and Luna kept following me.
Every room I was in, there she was.
Finally, she followed me outside, where I was going to empty the trash.
She wrapped me in a big hug.
“What’s this for?” I asked.
“I just want to thank you,” she said. “Remember what it was like when you first got here? How our dad was always wandering around like he was lost? How Max was always yelling at us? How me and Hugo were lost at school and couldn’t keep up with everything at home? Look at us now. That’s because of you, Honey.”
I feel blessed. Look at what my mom and dad gave me. Look how lucky it was that I found myself here in Windenburg. Look how amazing that I’ve been able to make a difference in the life of another family. I wonder if this is love.