It’s Asexual Awareness Week! In celebration of this, I’m featuring four asexual Sims from stories on this blog. Today, we’ll talk with Charlie Rocca Cups, who is an aromantic asexual from the story Wonder.
If you’d like to learn more about asexuality, please visit the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network, AVEN.
CT: Charlie, thanks for talking with us during Asexual Awareness Week.
Charlie: You’re welcome! I’m happy to chat. As a doctor of holistic medicine, I’m excited to talk about how asexuality fits into our understanding of well-being. In my perspective as a naturopath, it’s living authentically, in harmony with who one is, that brings health, happiness, and well-being.
CT: Has it always been easy for you to live authentically?
Charlie: I wouldn’t say it’s been easy. I mean, living authentically is a process, isn’t it? The world doesn’t automatically adjust to accommodate oneself–there’s always some tension. But then, living within that tension, finding one’s peace and one’s way within it, that’s where authenticity lies–for all of us, in the ways in which our uniqueness rubs up against the heels of societal norms.
CT: How did you come to identify yourself as asexual?
Charlie: I think minha mãe–I mean, my mother–recognized my orientation before I did. I grew up with an asexual aunt, the sister to minha mãe, and so my mother was familiar with and accepting of asexuality.
My mother and aunt raised me to be very much myself–to be the individual that I wanted to be. And so, of course, sexual orientation was part of that. I was never expected to be anything other than completely who I was. There was a time when I was a teen, though, when I’d catch Mãe looking at my friend Miranda and me with a certain gaze of expectation, as if she were imagining grandchildren! But she seemed to get over that.
Now with meu pai–my father–it was very different! Pai had two hobbies: working out and recreational sex! In fact, he was in two clubs all his life, one for each hobby! That’s how I came to be, actually. When minha mãe first moved to Windenburg, she joined the club of Pai, and after a club game in the closet, I was conceived! Pai asked me to join the club when I became a teen, but once I realized that the main activity wasn’t dancing, I gave up my club membership.
I think that Pai was puzzled by me at first, but Mãe must have helped him to understand, for by the end of his life, Pai was very accepting and supportive.
I adopted my son, Tanner, and I think that’s all that Pai really wanted–for me to have a son so that he could be the grandfather.
I don’t really think I answered your question.
CT: That’s OK. And please feel free to skip any questions that feel intrusive.
Charlie: Oh, that’s fine! I am happy to share who I am with the world!
CT: What has been the most liberating aspect for you in recognizing your asexuality?
Charlie: I grew up in a very free home environment. So, I don’t think I have ever felt a need to be liberated. I feel grateful for that. It seems that men, especially, have so much pressure put on them to be “studs.” Really, even the use of that word to describe a man shows how our culture expects and values sexuality in a man. So having been raised by two nonconformist women who encouraged me to nonconform in any way that felt right, that allowed me to notice and question some of the unspoken expectations that society places on men and to think twice before trying to change myself to fit into them.
CT: How do your friends and colleagues respond to your asexuality?
Charlie: Oh, you know, I haven’t really come out back at home. I mean, minha mãe and Pai knew, of course, but I haven’t told my friends. Maybe I should. It’s just never come up.
CT: Do you think your friends would care?
Charlie: Oh, no! Or rather. Maybe? One or two. Gosh, I’m not really sure. Most of my closest friends are women. You know, my best friend from childhood, Miranda, is a lesbian. I think one of the reasons we’ve stayed so close is that there’s no sexual tension between us. In fact, that’s probably the reason that I’m able to have so many close women friends.
CT: Have you experienced miscommunication with your women friends, such as missing their flirts, or not noticing if they were coming on to you?
Charlie: Oh, no! We go out all the time, or they drop by. We just hang out, talk, laugh a lot. None of them ever makes advances. I would know, wouldn’t I? Or–do you think not? I guess I have no way of knowing. I could ask them. Think I should?
CT: Oh! I have no idea! That might be awkward. Maybe just. I don’t know. It doesn’t matter, does it? Let’s just pretend I didn’t ask.
Onto more solid ground: What message would you like to share with asexuals during Asexual Awareness Week?
Charlie: It’s the same message I share with everyone: Exactly how you are, that’s how you’re meant to be. Live in accordance with that, and you’re well on your way to a healthy and happy life.