Dear Patches and Bo,
How’s it going? What’s up with you guys?
Riley’s been keeping me clued in, but she only shares the good news. I want the whole scoop! Have you been pranking the school, Bo? You skipping homework in favor of playing chess online, Patches? Tell me the real deal!
Which is kinda why I’m writing. I’ve got some real deal news to share with you.
College is great–it’s a ton of work, and it seems like I’m always in class, in the library, or behind the easel.
But I have managed to do a little socializing, and that’s what I want to tell you guys about. See, I figure you’ll probably be reading about me and my latest adventures in the tabloids pretty soon, or your friends will, so I’d rather you heard the news from me.
I’m seeing someone. She’s a friend of Mom’s actually. They went to college together. Yes, she’s that old.
But the point is, from my perspective, that she is so awesome! You guys would love her.
She has the most amazing stories to tell. Do you know that the reason this is an organic biodynamic campus is because of her advocacy? She also is the one who made recycling mandatory, who got them to only do construction on the campus between October and February, so they won’t disturb nesting birds, and who has single-handedly spear-headed the mass milkweed-planting effort that’s going on all over the campus for the monarch butterflies.
She is a one-woman eco-revolution. And I love her.
That’s where the tabloids come in.
I guess the gossip columnists made something more out of me and Chet than was really there, because you both know there never was any me and Chet. But apparently, in the celebrity stories, there was. We’re like number one celeb couple in the 18-22 age bracket!
What a joke!
I haven’t mentioned it to Riley, but the paparazzi are everywhere at campus, following me every time I step out. And they’re not sweet, friendly, heroic life-savers, either, like we’ve got at home. These paparazzi are ruthless rumor-mongers!
Anyway, I met Shannon for a burger. One of the photographers who’s been dogging me was there, taking notes and snapping photos. I just ignored him, like always.
But he came up to me in the diner and asked, “So, do you expect Chet to stand by you, now that you’ve got a naughty reputation? And what are you doing, dating a woman old enough to be your grandmother? Couldn’t you step out of the closet with some nice co-ed your own age?”
Shannon swore at him and told him to bugger off. He left, and I didn’t think much of it. I mean, it doesn’t bother me. I know how I feel, and I’ve always known that love’s about the person–not the age, the gender-identity, or even the sexual attraction. It’s about seeing who someone is on the inside–their spirit, like Mom would say–and loving that.
It bothered Shannon, though. We had a bit of fight out there in public, with the photographer snapping shots. Shannon accused me of selling out, that this was just some publicity stunt, so I’d get a bad reputation to make people more interested in me.
I told her she didn’t know the first thing about who I was really, if she thought that. I left her to figure it out and work through it.
Right then, somebody asked me for a photo. I flashed the peace sign. I mean, I’m not gonna let them see me sweat.
Anyway, I know this is all TMI. I just wanted to give you guys a heads-up so that you knew the truth of it when the story comes out: Yes, I’m dating an older woman. Yes, we had a public fight. Yes, she’s the most awesome person I’ve met–well, next to you two and Riley, that is. And yes, I’ve got a “naughty” reputation.
You know what, though? Come to think of it, there’s a good chance there won’t be any story. Don’t they always need photos when they break the scoop?
Well, there won’t be any photos. Know why?
Later that night, I got over being mad and I guess Shannon did, too, because she came over when I invited her to hang out.
We were watching the chipmunks playing under the sycamore tree, when suddenly, I could literally see the hair standing up on the back of Shannon’s neck.
She let out a yell and launched a full-blown kamikaze attack on the paparazzo, grabbing his camera and destroying the film!
So, maybe you won’t read about us, after all.
I really think you guys will love her, though–that badass protectress of all that’s good in life!
Oh, and guess what, Bo? You remember Uncle Shea talking about that little squirrel that was friends with him and Mom? Eeesheewa-wa, or whatever his name was?
Well, Shannon and I met his way-down-the-line descendent, little Eeesheewa-wa the eighth! Cute as a button. You’d love him.
OK, Peanuts in the Peanut Gallery, I gotta hit the books so I’m not a complete waste of space in class tomorrow.
You two study hard–your own college days are just around the corner.
Love you both. Don’t believe everything you read–especially when it concerns me!